it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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