im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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