i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
