1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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