My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
