Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize