with your own penis?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
