Your mouth is God's brothel.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
