Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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