please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
