Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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