What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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