Joe is yelling at the trees again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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