wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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