If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
