At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
