On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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