If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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