I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize