I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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