Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
