so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think people are normalizing furries
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
