Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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