the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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