My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
