ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
thus making me awesome and them whores
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
