Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
