wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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