She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
