I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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