I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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