i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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