I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
