I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
