Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
