Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
