I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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