dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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