is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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