from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
