AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
