I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
