Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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