yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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