do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
