I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
