I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
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My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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