I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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