I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
