I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
