You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
