she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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