Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
