walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize