Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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