we have pet lesbian snakes
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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