everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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