Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
