Whod you bang
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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