She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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