I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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