Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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